May 19

How to get what you want

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How to get what you want

Frank

INTRODUCTION

"How to get what you want" is an interesting topic to talk about.

We all always hear our family and friends tell us things like, "you can't always get what you want", "you have to choose what you want", or even things like "you can't do that".

Sometimes, other than family and friends, your own voice of doubt tells you that.

This can extend toward anything - from you starting your own business, to going out with that person you like.

It's almost as if you're not in control of your life, and you can never have anything that you truly want...


BUT.

The truth is, you CAN get what you really want in life, if you know HOW to go about achieving that.

After years and years of people polluting our heads with other thoughts (though honestly through no fault of their own), our own vision of the future and drive can get mucked up in the process.

As a result, as we graduate from college or start transitioning into working, we get lost, and then because of the huge number of liabilities (bills, taxes, tickets etc), we end up letting life take the reins to our lives.

Then we end up bitter and disappointed that we 'didn't do better'.

broken keys


The first thing that needs to be accepted is that getting back to that phase and getting what you want, will take time, and a lot of effort.

The reason we don't know anymore is because we forget, and we stop thinking about it deeply.

Our drive stops because we no longer see the end result.

So, Step one to getting what you really want: DECIDE what you really want.

This is not a step to take lightly, so take some quality 'me' time - away from all distractions, and people. Because this is specifically about what YOU want, not what others want of you.

Don't worry, there'll be examples a little further, down in chapter 1.

Step two: set your goals and create a plan for achieving those goals.

The plans that will be created will not be perfect, and that's okay - we're all works in progress, and nothing is set in stone.

As your situation and live evolves and improves, so can your plan.

If unforeseen circumstances hinder you, the plan can also be updated to handle it.

Step three: The most crucial - Control your thoughts.

Remember the series "Heroes" where Hiro said that famous phrase 'save the cheerleader, save the world'? (yeah I'm THAT old)

I've adapted that mantra to something that you can tell yourself everyday as you work on improving your situation and life:

Control your thoughts, control your world.

Click to Tweet

Very simply put, if you don't deal with the negative thoughts that run wild in your head, you'll always subconsciously let them win, but we'll explore that in a later section.

Lastly, developing the mental resilience necessary to get what you want. This is as equally important as dealing with the negative thoughts.

Perhaps a quote will help explain this:

"Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success." -Joyce Brothers

All in all, before you actually become a success, you must first BELIEVE that you'll be a success.

We'll also be delving deeper on that topic later.


Everything that you need to know about how to get what you really want is here in this guide. I've wasted no effort and spared no expense in writing this, in the hopes that you'll immensely benefit from this.

So read on, and apply what you learnt. And always remember:

These steps require the 3Ps: Patience, patience, and persistence.


Let's get to it!


WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?

As highlighted earlier, most people don't get what they really want in their lives because they simply don't know what they want.

Just imagine for a moment - you're at a shopping mall on the weekend, conducting a survey.

You approach a randomly number of people and ask them what they want from their lives.

Apart from getting the occasional dirty looks, most would reply with, "I don't know", or "I haven't really thought about it".

Why?

There are a couple of reasons for this:

One, thinking about life does require a lot of effort and energy to think about, and people in general would rather do something that's easy, like watch the TV/Netflix, or browse social media for hours.

Humans are wired to take the path of least resistance, basically.

Secondly, as we progress through life, we sometimes settle for less than our hopes and dreams, and think we already have what we want.

This can be in the form of a steady job with steady income, a life partner, a beautiful house with kids, etc.

They may not necessarily be your ideal (i.e. you wanted a Ferrari, but you have a Prius now), but life is good, and what more could you want?

DARING TO DREAM AGAIN

These days, we get surrounded by so many people spewing motivational messages, telling us to 'pursue our dreams', 'Carpe Diem' and the like.

So with so much positivity and motivation around us, why do people still fail to achieve what they truly want?

Barring a few exceptions, the answer is kinda the same - either people settled for easier dreams to reach, or they just don't know anymore.

Remember when we were kids, we used to dream of becoming super successful people? We wanted to be doctors, inventors, poets, presidents....

Where did it all go wrong?

How did we go from being so full of hope, to... well, where we are?


First off, let's start with the mindset.

We all have hopes, dreams and visions of our future that we want to attain - but that's precisely the problem.

All we have are dreams. Not any amount of work done, or even the idea of how much effort needs to be expended to make the dream a reality.

Imagine you want to become a professional artist and draw your own comics.

Sure, it's actually easy to dream and imagine yourself being a famous comic book artist.

But what about the effort needed to learn how to draw the human anatomy, sculpt environments and craft story lines?

Let's also not forget the huge amount of frustration and regret you'll feel along the way, making mistakes and errors.

This is why it all goes back to the mindset - if the right mindset isn't adopted right from the start of the endeavor, chances are we won't follow through with that dream to the end.

That's what the next few chapters is all about - helping plan out the vision, and helping to mitigate any frustrations and difficulties along the way.


But let's take another step back - before getting the mindset and what you want, let's discover what you really want.


HOW TO DISCOVER WHAT YOU REALLY WANT
reaching out


As previously said, discovering what you really want will need you to take some quality time out without distractions.

Silence your phone, seal yourself in a room and have members of your home (if any) to not disturb you for a while, unless absolutely necessary (like an emergency)

Have a pen and piece of paper ready, and let's begin. [create assets]


We'll be looking at a few areas of life, and there'll be some questions to help guide you on the way:

  • Career
  • Business
  • Finances
  • Personal Life
  • Health and Well being
  • Contributions

This is not an exhaustive list - you can add on more categories later on if you want.

Provided below is a list of questions for you. You don't have to answer all of them - you get to pick and choose which you want.

Of course, if you have other burning questions to ask yourself, add them in too.

Remember, this exercise is meant to help you figure out who you are, and what you truly want.

And this list is a great start in helping you determining just that.

For each of these questions that you want to answer, write it down on the paper. Don't worry about the 'how' for now - we'll tackle that beast in a bit.

Let's go!

CAREER
  • Are you earning enough money?
  • Are you happy in your job?
  • Do you need to improve specific skills - i.e. leadership, writing, coding skills?
  • Do you want a promotion in your job?
  • Do you need to care for your customers better?
  • Are you happy with your career path?
  • Do you like the industry you're in?
  • Do you need to learn more about your industry?
  • Would you like to have a different role in your company?
BUSINESS

  • Do you want to start a business?
  • Do you want more clients?
  • Are you happy running your business?
  • Are there specific skills you need to improve in your business?
  • Do you want high paying clients with deep pockets?
  • Is your business heading in the direction that you want it to go?
FINANCES
  • Is your savings account growing?
  • Are you satisfied with the amount in your savings account?
  • Do you have a heavy amount of bad debt?
  • Do you have a pension plan?
  • Are you able to survive three to six months without a salary?
  • Do you want to learn how to make more money in the financial markets?
  • Do you want to pay less in taxes?
  • Are you in complete control over your own finances?
PERSONAL LIFE
  • Do you have high self-esteem?
  • Do you like here you live?
  • If you rent, do you want your own home?
  • Do you want a bigger home?
  • Do you have a life partner now?
  • If you don't, do you want one?
  • Do you have a supportive circle of friends?
  • Do you want new clothes?
  • Do you want a new car?
  • Do you want to start a new hobby?
  • Do you want to learn a new skill?


HEALTH AND WELL BEING
  • Are you in good health?
  • Do you want to lose some weight?
  • Do you want to gain some weight?
  • Are you exercising regularly?
  • Do you want cosmetic surgery?
  • Do you feel enough?
  • Are you self confident?
  • Do you truly love yourself?


CONTRIBUTIONS
  • Do you do enough to help others?
  • Do you want to start helping others?
  • Do you contribute to worthwhile causes?
  • Do you have good relationships with others?
  • Do you want to do some community work?
  • Do you help your friends and family enough?
  • Do you listen to others?
  • Do you donate, or want to donate to charities?

Remember that there re no right or wrong answers to these questions - you get to pick and choose.

This is, after all,helping to discover what you really want in your life.

Give yourself some time to do this (maybe 20 minutes) and then, come back.


...


Done? Great!


Now, have a look at the questions that you wrote down. For each of these that you listed, think about how having these things in your life will make you feel.

Write down the feelings that you experience. This isn't hard, but is very important to help determine what you want​

(if you want to know what this is, it's called NLP Anchoring, and it's meant to help associate change with something positive, so that you're much more likely to do it in the future. Check it out!)

anchor

anchoring is a technique that grounds you to a certain mental state.


You will also need to prioritize your list, so that the things which provoke the strongest feelings within you are at the top. 

If you don't feel particularly strongly about them all, go back and use some different questions.

Again, you can go ahead and add your own - the list above is a starter to help guide you ask yourself the right questions.

After that, shortlist a list of things that you really want (this is to prevent yourself from overextending your time and resources).

This part is all about targeting the right changes, for the right reasons.

Ideally, shortlist and choose a maximum of 3, because producing these 3 positive changes will require quite a significant amount of effort and time to create.

You can, however, shortlist even less than 3. The lesser the list, the more effort you can concentrate on that one goal.

For example: One of the shortlisted things you want is to start your own business. It's not something that you can change immediately (or make a million dollars in a week for now).

There are also quite a few ways to go about it, so of course time and effort must be undertaken to determine the fastest and best way to go about it.


Now that we know what you really want, we need to set goals to achieve what you really want the in the quickest way possible.

Yellow box testing



SETTING GOALS THE RIGHT WAY

Still here? Congratulations!, you're now in the top 1-3% of the population that has read past the first chapter.

You should be proud of yourself for getting this far, and more excited now that you finally have clarity about your life. (more, at least)

Clarity is power, and now we're going to take this a step further, by turning your top three things to do from a desire, to action.

While having a list of what you want is great, it isn't of much use if there's no plan backing it up.

“A goal without a plan is just a wish.” - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, author of The Little Prince

Just think - how often do we set new year's resolutions (goals) but never follow through? (no action steps or plans)

In fact, statistics for an American population of new year resolution setters were not optimistic:​

In the year 2018, out of the people who set a new year's resolution, only a tiny 8% kept that resolution for the entire year.

Only 46% of that group kept a resolution for 6 months.

infographic on new year resolutions


This only further supports the idea that for anyone to truly get what they want, the desire, good milestone goals and a proper plan will get you much farther.

In fact, the 8% who DID keep their goals, did the exact things that I'm going to highlight further down this tutorial on how to really get what you want.

Part of the reasons the 8% achieved their goals, is twofold:

One, they set very specific goals. For example, instead of "I will lose weight this year", they set a goal of:

 "I will lose 20 pounds by end of June next year, starting with a proper diet and exercising 3 times a week for 30 minutes at a time, with a coach."

See how much more specific that goal is? It gives you actionable steps to handle ( a proper diet), and it sets milestones (3 times a week, 30 minutes at a time) and accountability (with a coach).

And of course there can be rewards for hitting milestones, but we'll talk about that in the planning section.


Two, they have a very strong emotional reason to do so. The "why" in their reason makes them truly want to achieve what they did.

Back to the example of losing weight - WHY do you want to lose weight? How will it make you feel? Will losing weight help to achieve your other goals (for example, looking good in the mirror, finding a life partner etc)

The same can be applied across - WHY do you want to make more money? What will you do with that extra money? How will having that extra money make you feel?

Let your mind go wild during the goal setting - your goals are meant to excite you!

Your goals are meant to make you excited - so excited that you actually experience pain if you're not going to do them, and create immense pleasure when you do.

goal planning

start with many questions, end with 3 or less.


"The size of your dreams must always exceed your current capacity to achieve them. If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough." - Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Author of This Child Will Be Great

But of course, I get that sometimes we don't even know where to start.

So let me provide a little framework for you to use: It's called the SMART method:

SPECIFIC

Setting specific goals, as seen above.

What EXACTLY do you want to achieve?

Don't just say you want to lose weight - be very specific about the weight you want to lose (e.g. 20 pounds)

Or how much money you want to make ($100,000 by 2020, rather than just "i want to make more money this year)

MEASURABLE

It's pretty important that your steps are measurable, so that you will know how well you're progressing toward your goals.

For example, you set a goal in January and the final goal is to lose 20 pounds in December. So perhaps at the end of every month, you weigh your progress.

If you happen to hit your goal earlier, the next step would be to maintain that weight until the end of the year.

Of course, as mentioned earlier in the text, you can also edit your goals - make it harder once you've achieved them! 

ATTAINABLE

This is all about believing that you can achieve that goal. While you can (and should) go wild with your goals,  should also be realistic and attainable.

If your goal is to go to outer space, it's definitely achievable, but probably just not in one year. Plus, the steps involved are numerous, so you'll have to break that massive goal down to its equally massive sub-goals, and break those down too....

Another aspect of being attainable is - can you afford to do it? Not just financially - in terms of time, training and qualifications too.​

If you're under-qualified in any aspect, time must also be devoted to being competent enough first.

Same thing - making a million dollars over a weekend is possible in the future - just not at the present moment when you don't have a business generating that amount of revenue yet.

REALISTIC

Is the goal you're setting realistic? Similarly to the 'attainable' aspect above, are you qualified to achieve that goal during the time you defined?

This aspect is not meant to limit you - but to realistically pace yourself to hit your base goals first, before moving on to the harder ones.

TIMING

There MUST be a deadline for your goals - no exceptions.

Any time frame is possible - from 3 months, to 6, or even a year.

Typically, it's good to have multiple timelines - 3, 6, 9, and 1 year. This allows you to adjust the future timelines if you happen to either achieve your goals earlier, or later.

the SMART method in Miro, which we will cover later!

the SMART method in Miro, which we will cover later!



Basically -> proper goals + action steps = an unstoppable you.

Let's get planning!


PLANNING TO GET WHAT YOU WANT 

"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." - Benjamin Franklin, man on the $100 bill.

In the previous two chapters, you didn't need to think about the HOW, because if you did then, you might have been bogged down with the details.

Well now that you've a clearer view of what you really want, and why you want it, we can finally settle on the 'how to get what you want' aspect.

No more telling yourself that you can't always get what you want - we're in serious business now.

If you're still here, it only means that you're extra serious about retaking back what life has taken from you.

Good. Use that rage and drive. Dig deep, and let's begin.

TOOLS OF THE TRADE

Tools can be really, anything you're currently using - your diary, a blog, or even Facebook.

But if you're looking for an itemized list for you to use, I'll set a list down below:

Can't go wrong with your basic notepad, which is available on all laptops and phones today.

I generally use notepads or text editors to take notes from YouTube videos, or scribble down ideas that I have that can improve my chances of reaching my goals.

Of course, you can also use Google Docs and Google Sheets - they're also free, and you can do a lot with them.

For Google Docs (aka Word), you can basically write out and format a proper PDF for your own use as a plan to print out.

Google Sheets (aka Excel) is an excellent tool for you to track your own data (you can basically input data and use it to create graphs and diagrams of your progress!)

I also use Google Sheets as a yearly planner - I call it my War Map. You can also download it below.

Miro is an online whiteboard tool that allows you to track a huge amount of things - in fact, Miro is a visual collaboration platform, so it makes it super easy for you to be accountable to your buddy (if any)


I use Miro to plan my weeks of to-dos, as well as use it to track my own progress and data.


You can use the template that I personally use here - just log into the app, and you'll be able to see it and use it for yourself.

The really great thing about Miro is that you can use some of it's templates to emulate other productivity apps like Trello - a web based Kanban-style list board.


Before using Miro, I mostly tracked my work done on paper - like a personal diary. I switched over to Miro because it's online, and I can use it with any platform - my laptop, or my phone.


That makes things far easier to track and see what tasks I have to do for the day.


Of course, the only downside is that you need to have an internet connection for it - you can also have an offline, paper diary too, in the event your internet is out of service.


For specific tools for your goals, you'll have to define it on your own - for example, for weight loss goals, you'll definitely need a weighing scale, as well as phone apps that track your cardio movements.

For money-related goals, you need a phone calculator, and Google Sheets (to input values and have the Sheet calculate your savings, or profits in a month, and even track what you spend money on).


 

DOCUMENTING YOUR PROGRESS

Documenting your progress is perhaps the most important thing to do - if you cannot track your progress, you'll have no clue whether you're improving or not.

This is especially important when you feel like you've hit a wall, and feel like you're not improving at all -you'll have the numbers and data to tell you otherwise.


Documenting your progress can mean anything from having the numbers compared month-on-month, or a photo of your body as you progress through your fitness regime, as well as a weighing scale to account for any gains or losses.

If you're spending advertising money, then you can also track how much you spent, and how much money you're making on that investment (ROI).

Whatever your goals are, it is SUPER IMPORTANT that you document your progress!


REMEMBER TO FORGIVE YOURSELF

We are all humans, and we all fall short sometimes. That's okay!

There are days we just cannot keep to our goals and tasks, due to unforeseen circumstances, or you're just super stressed out.

Perhaps you just broke up with your partner, and the resulting sadness causes you to lose your focus to do work.

Don't beat yourself up for that - crappy things happen to all of us in life, and you should forgive yourself for not being able to do work for those few days.

However, don't stay in your pity party too long - you have your tasks, and only you will reap the biggest portion of the rewards.

So get up, and shake off the dust, and begin again.

I know you can do it!

SCHEDULING IN TIME TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS

Scheduling in time to achieve your goals is important - most of the time, you will be scheduling in time for your goals alongside other tasks - especially if you're a working adult, or in college, jugg;ing a million things at once.

It's important to block a specific time in your day to handle your goals and tasks so that you won't simply chuck it aside for every important thing that comes your way.

This is where the REALISM aspect comes into play - not everyone has a full 8 hours to allocate to their goal-smashing.

My Personal week, customized to fit what I do

CONSIDER GETTING A BUDDY

Getting a buddy to support and be accountable to isn't a bad idea - especially if you're super busy. This can be like a gym buddy - they can call you out when you don't appear in the gym and train as you promised yourself you would.

Or it can also be a friend who checks your finances every so often to make sure you're saving money and not splurging too much.

Of course, it's important to get someone you actually trust - someone whom you believe will have your best interest at heart.

At the same time, we all hear the advice of sharing our goals with everyone - while I can understand the sentiment, I don't think its a good idea.

By sharing your goals with everyone, when you don't hit your goals, those who wish ill on you will gloat and laugh at you, which can be demoralizing.

My advice is to share your goals only with people you trust, and are supportive of you.

There's nothing wrong if you don't have a buddy - but being accountable to yourself can be tough sometimes. 

BUDGETING

A key consideration is your budget. Like most things in life, you'll need to probably spend some amount of money to hit your goal.

It could be to pay for your gym membership, a life coach, or to fork out money on advertising and business expenses.

Depending on your own goals and ambitions, it might be necessary to cut back on other expenditures to help offset the financial blow for hitting your goals - for example, eating out less often and cooking more to save money, as well as to eat healthier.


Or perhaps spend less on movie tickets and going to bars, saving money AND time to allocate to your business.

SLOW DOWN AND REFLECT

It's very easy to get caught up with the hundreds of things you have to do to  get what you want and lose sight of why you started in the first place.

We get it, the never-ending grind can cause us to just... Give up. 

So, after every week or so (preferably on the weekends), take a little bit of time to slow down and review how your week went - did you achieve what you wanted?

If you didn't, why? Is there a way for you to improve?

The important thing to remember here is:

DON'T JUDGE YOURSELF.

You're doing a review of your week, and unless you really didn't do it because you were lazy, try not to judge yourself.

You can't blame yourself for having the flu suddenly, or for getting retrenched from your work.

You only need to see that you have lacked in some area, and you can use the following week to improve on yourself.

Reflecting, and meditation can be a great tool for you to slow down your mind, and to redirect your focus again, as well as to stop judging yourself and focus on what you can improve on, and what pitfalls to look for the next time you encounter the same issue.

Remember, smashing your goals is for your personal achievement, and you'll gain nothing by scolding yourself.

Be gentle on yourself, and keep moving forward!

REWARDING YOURSELF FOR MILESTONES

Hitting your goal milestones shouldn't just be all about hard work and no fun.

That's why it's very important for you to reward yourself for your achievements, regardless of whether it's a big win or a small one.

If your resolution was to lose 20 pounds by December and you already lost 3 pounds in March, consider treating yourself to something that you like - A holiday, a well deserved, pizza slice, anything: As long as it doesn't bring you back to square one and messes up your goal.

There are some ideas for treating yourself here (for weight loss, but you can use it for inspiration)

If your goal was to make an additional $1000 a month, you can take a week off and celebrate that win as well.

Personally, I enjoy gaming, so every time i achieve my tasks for the day, I can game free of guilt!

Rewarding yourself after a hard day's work is never wrong.



Now that you know how to get what you want via planning, let's move on to a crucial topic : the mind.


CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS, CONTROL YOUR WORLD

Okay, so far we've discussed quite a bit of stuff, and let's recap what we've talked about:

  • Identifying what you really want
  • Setting exciting goals to smash
  • Creating a plan to achieve your exciting goals

Once you have these three things, you're part of the top 3% of the world already, so pat yourself on the back.

This will be a fairly long topic, so grab yourself your favorite beverage, and let's begin.

This topic won't go in-depth into the mind, but there will be an article regarding the complexities of the mind coming soon.

Remember in the planning section you were advised to craft a plan that requires you to take daily action?

By doing that, it subconsciously strengthens your subconscious mind, and you are telling it that you're serious in making a real change for yourself.

USING YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND TO YOUR ADVANTAGE

You may not know this, but the subconscious mind is the most powerful tool of any person - it's the same subconscious that focuses people to the point of being able to climb Mt. Everest, perform ultra iron-man marathons... etc. You get the idea.

And you need it on your side.

Your subconscious is also the tool that will provide you with the intuition, and ideas to execute and tackle how best to conquer your goal, and get everything you want.

Your thoughts can also influence your subconscious - negative thoughts can eventually turn your subconscious against you:

Let's take an example. When I was a kid in school, I used to suck at math terribly. So much so that when my teachers kept repeating to me that I was bad at it, these words eventually formed this idea, this thought that i really was bad at math.

And so, I became what I thought about.

From scoring an average of 70/100 (which apparently was bad in middle school??), I plummeted down to barely 35/100.

Scoring a 50/100 was an absolute win for me.

It wasn't till later, in an introduction to psychology class years later in college, that I found out where the root of my poor math was.

It wasn't my skill - because when I started practicing and getting things right, suddenly my math no longer sucked.

It all started with that thought that i sucked at it. 

(the bad and negative thoughts may not even originate in your mind, like mine)

Your thoughts are responsible for where you are today.

What you have, and don't, is all a result of your previous thoughts that led you here today.

So..

How do we really change and get what we want?


We need to change out thoughts.

Control your thoughts, control your world.

 That's all there is.

positive text

Sometimes we forget how a little positivity can go a long way.



Oh right, it's not that easy...

But it's certainly possible.

TWO MINDS, ONE DESTINY

Our minds are split into two, the conscious and the subconscious minds. Within the unconscious, is the power that gives us the drive, ideas and focus that help us get everything we ever want.

The conscious portion is a tiny percent of our minds when we're awake, capable of limited processing and deep knowledge digestion.

Both are required to work in unison to produce the change that you desire, and to get everything you ever want in your life.

(technically we have 3 states, but for simplicity's sake, we just use these 2)

This is why there is so much emphasis on controlling your thoughts - it leads down the path to your subconscious.

If you tell yourself that you'll never be successful, then you truly will never be.


YOU ARE IN CONTROL

Remember that you are, and should always be in control of your thoughts. Only in that case, will you be able to input the right influence on your subconscious.

There's a popular mind theory that involves the concept of the "higher self" and the "lower self", aka the Light and Dark. The light and dark in each person. This is similar to the concept of the two wolves inside us all.

It is the inner dialog that goes on in our heads everyday - the good vs evil of our being.

Why is this important? Let me explain:

"Higher Self" is the Light, the side of you that wants to do the right things.

This can mean you fulfilling your goals and aspirations, doing good in society, and the like.

"Lower Self" is the Darkness, the side of you that looks for the path of least resistance.

This can mean that though you aspire to do so much, the Lower Self would rather spend time on Instagram and watching Netflix instead of pursuing what you truly want.


which will you feed?

HOW TO CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS

We all have had negative thoughts, and that's normal. The key is in how to control these thoughts to limit their impact on your future goals and plans (or even your current life!)


If you ever thought "all i have are negative thoughts", you'll benefit from the five ways to control them below:


  • When you're in a negative place, find the good in it.

Sometimes bad things happen, and that's alright. Remember earlier when I said don't blame yourself?

This is precisely that situation.

Rather, make the most of it:

When my grandmother passed away in 2013 I was devastated, but the good in it? she no longer suffered.

She was suffering heavily from dementia, and have multiple tumors on her body for a year, and they restricted her to the point where she couldn't walk or not feel pain without medication.

"Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn" -John C Maxwell, New York Times Best Seller


  • Remember that people don't care too much about what you say or do.

This may sound harsh, but the truth is: no one really cares about you.

This is a good thing - it means what they think and say, should not have as much power over you as much as you.

Learn to realize that the most important person in your life should only be one person: you.

  • Question and challenge that thought!

Just because you had one bad experience in a day, doesn't mean your entire day is bad.

Question the thought - why should you listen, or take it seriously?

If you take it seriously, will it help improve your life or current situation?


  • Let it out, and release it.

This usually relates to anger.

Sometimes the best thing to do when you encounter a persistent negative thought is to just breathe out, thank it for being there, and let it go.


  • Remove the negativity in your life

This might come as a shocker, but to truly remove negativity in your life, you will have to be more selfish - sometimes the ones closest to us are the most negative.

These are the people who always complain about things, saying it's everyone else's fault the world has given them a hard time, etc.

Every time we're in the presence of someone negative like that, it can affect us by clouding our judgement of things.

In the next chapter, we'll be dealing with developing mental toughness to get what we want, which will help us resist their negativity and not let negativity throw us off our game.

But until then, if you can, try to stay away from them as much as possible.

Not shunning or hating them, just spend a little less time in their presence in their 'negative mode' of complaining.

However, if you entrust the knowledge of you wanting to hit your goals from chapter one, you might encounter them criticizing you, saying things like you "cannot do it", or "will never be able to do it".

Of course, not all criticism is bad - but that will take skill in telling which is constructive, and which isn't.


Oh, one last thing..


  • BONUS: Avoid social media as much as you can. 

These days the news feeds are always about something negative - people dying, people losing jobs, new viruses affecting the world, etc.

If you ever tried a social media detox, you'll feel the difference, even if it's only 10 days.

Be the guy who embraces the suck. Or air force is good too.



STOP LIVING IN THE PAST

Your past doesn't define you.

Just because you failed in hitting your goals in the past, doesn't mean you'll automatically fail this time round.

We're all guilty of this - and stop living in the failures of our past is the first step in giving ourselves a more positive future.

More critically, by living in the failures of our past, we send a completely wrong message to our subconscious mind - it strengthens the false belief that we've tried it before, and if we failed then, we'll fail now, again.

When we first restart giving our lives goals and purpose-driven living again, we'll end up having destructive thoughts like "I won't stick at this for long", or "how long more till i screw up again?"

You can use the 5 ways to help deal with these thoughts - neutralzse them by telling yourself something positive, like "I will see it through this time".

This will take persistent effort to work - there is sadly no magic spell to help overcome the negativity that was dumped on us overnight.

A habit takes an average of 21 days to break, and to form. I understand that this is hard, but all you have to do is to stick it out for 3 weeks, and you'll be home free.


Difficult? Yes. Luckily, we have the next topic: developing mental toughness to get what you want.


DEVELOPING MENTAL TOUGHNESS

Welcome, you're more than half the way to finishing. You really are determined, aren't you?

When you're 100% done, there'll be something waiting for you, as way of thanks for reading this all the way through.

Think of it also as a reward that will help you speed you on your way for future projects that you have.

Anyway, let's continue.

If you really want to get what you want, they you can't ever give op.

There will be times where you face problems you don't know how to solve, and it can potentially overwhelm you.

There will also be times where you're so tired, and run out of energy before your tasks are done.


So how to the world's richest overcome these issues and keep moving forward? 

The answer is simple - mental toughness that sees them through the tough times.

They have an 'iron will' - they will never tire or give up until they see their projects through, and keep going.



Successful people have the mental toughness that they don't build by watching hours of Netflix and wallowing self-pity - if they're overwhelmed, they very quickly snap out of this state, and keep going, and never let their 'power self' dominate their lives.


Yes, they sound exactly like the high level bosses that you fight in games - lots of health, unlimited stamina and magic.

But if you develop the same skills and toughness, you can take them down too!

USING THE LAW OF INERTIA

Ever heard of the law of inertia aka Newton's 1st Law?

Newton's First Law states that an object will remain at rest or in uniform motion in a straight line unless acted upon by an external force.

Very simply put, it's tough to start working on your goals (setting, planning and action) at first, as you were initially at rest.

However, after a certain time consistently doing the work, you will be executing your tasks as if it's a part of daily life, and doing the work everyday will be easy.

This also ties in with the habit-forming above - once you form a habit of doing, you won't need to exercise so much willpower and mental strength to keep it going, because you're ALREADY doing it.

The added benefit - your subconscious will recognize that you're taking this seriously, and begin to help you achieve those goals too.

Next topic will tie in with this one - daily routines to help you find your pace for success!

The difficult is in starting - on day zero of executing your tasks, all the way to day 21.

Sadly, there isn't a lot to say about developing mental toughness - it's something that you will need grit, and persistence to keep doing.

Let's use running as an example.

On the first day jogging around the track to exercise, you'd most definitely feel horrible - you're unfit, wheezing, and can't go more than 1 mile without walking and dying from cramps.

But something interesting happens when you keep going...

By the end of the first week, you're no longer wheezing like you're dying, and the cramps don't hurt so much.

By the end of the second week, you begin to feel amazing post run (the natural endorphins kicking in!), and you start feeling great and positive after the runs.

By the end of the third week (21 days), suddenly, you automatically change into your running gear and go, as if you've done it for years.

you also see the positive changes - you're slimmer, your stamina is far superior, and you feel much better now.

once you start moving, you won't want to stop.


once you hit day 21, you'll no longer need to fight your mind about running - it becomes automatic, and it comes naturally.

The same thing applies for your goals and tasks. It will get better.


DAILY ROUTINES OF SUCCESS

By  now, you already know:

  • What you want
  • How you'll achieve it
  • Your "Why"

Next, we just need to put it all together.

Establishing a daily routine is important for a few reasons:

One, a daily routine puts less strain on your mental strength - if you do the same thing everyday at a certain time, it becomes routine, and automatic, freeing your brain power for more important things, like executing your tasks.

Two, your subconscious will start being active at the time you do the most important work.

For example, you start your business at 10am everyday, and end at 6pm everyday.

Your subconscious will realize that it's the same everyday, and will work optimally at these periods where you're thinking the hardest and putting in the most effort - this signals it to help you.

STARTING THE DAY OFF RIGHT

Getting a good start to the day is essential. you want the start of your day to be positive, rather than negative.

Here are some good things you can do first thing in the morning:

  • Read out your goals, and why you want to achieve that goal
  • Visualize that which you already have achieved (the goal)
  • Plan your day, and start working on the most important tasks first
USING A JOURNAL

A journal is important  to record your thoughts, as well as to record your progress and any data that you find interesting about your tasks.

After several entries, you'll realize how far you've come, and how much easier it is to do the work to attain the goal.

This is important - every time you want to give up, have a look at the journal, and see how far you've come. I guarantee you if you do this when you're about to give up, you'll suddenly gain a burst of strength (your second wind) to keep going.

LEARNING SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY

In your quest to get what you want, you'll learn valuable insights about the nature of the goal, and how best to attain it.

This knowledge can one day be used to make money, potentially!

ENDING THE DAY RIGHT

As you end your day and retire for the night, consider doing the following:

  • Read out your goals, and why you want to achieve that goal
  • Visualize that which you already have achieved (the goal)
  • Plan for the next day

This will help you focus your subconscious on solutions when you sleep.


CONCLUSION

There you have it - a complete guide on how to get anything you want.

Wait, actually, once you master this, it will be a complete guide to how to get EVERYTHING you ever want.


Did we miss anything that you think is worth adding?

Or just any thoughts?

Would you like the templates for the above things (Miro templates, Google docs/sheets, budget calculators etc) to be available for you?

Let us know in the comments below!

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About the Author

Loves teaching people how to make money online.

Frank

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